The Chrysalis Home

Village? What Village?

It takes a village. Right? To raise a kid, it takes a community, a network of support to be there to lend a hand when mama needs help or has questions or feels blue. During those rough patches when baby is teething or up all night and mama hasn’t slept more than 2 hours at a time in weeks.Mama needs a village.

But what if you don’t have a village? What if you don’t have that community to provide hands-on help? What if there’s nobody to take the baby so you can get a nap? Nobody to sit and drink coffee with and answer your questions or give you a hug or comfort you when you cry? What’s a mama to do when she doesn’t have friends or family nearby?

Since B and I married in 2000, we’ve moved 8, count ’em, 8 times. Yes. Eight. 12345678. And 5 of those moves have been since 2009. I know. This vagabond, gypsy lifestyle we’ve had to adopt, while making us very adaptable, does not lend to the creation of or nurturing of friendships. Work friends and bar friends tend to become Facebook friends and that’s about it. You lose touch and people carry on. Out of sight, out of mind.

Since M was born in April, we’ve had two non-family visitors. The first was when he was very, very wee, maybe 2 or 3 weeks old. The second was last weekend. I don’t have a village. I don’t have anyone to whom I can say “here, take the baby while I pee” or nap or drive to the store to get some milk or wash the dishes. It is just me 15 hours a day.

So what’s a mama to do when she has no village? She finds one on the internet. Facebook and Twitter mamas have saved my sanity on countless occasions. I know that I can go to Facebook and post a question about a cough that I’m worried about or what the best colic remedy is or whether or not M should take  Tylenol before his shots…anything really, and a host of mamas will sally forth to help me or calm my fears.

And Twitter?  Man. Twitter has been a Godsend. I never used the Twitters before M got here but I have found it to be so helpful as a place to vent my frustrations. I have received so much love and support from COMPLETE STRANGERS on Twitter that it almost renews my faith in humanity. Those Twitter mamas are second to none when it comes to making me feel like I’m not messing up every step of the way. When I’m lonely or sad there is ALWAYS someone there who knows how it feels to be a first time mom who is overwhelmed. Those women are priceless.

So, while real-life, tangible shoulders for me to cry on or lean on are miles and miles and miles away, I always have the internet.

Thank you, internet.


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  1. * morasmum says:

    as an expat, I agree with all you say, but I think you left out one more source of comfort and help : blogger mums ! Thank you and all mums who blog with your lessons learned, thoughts and words of support …

    | Reply Posted 4 years, 12 months ago
    • * MtnMama says:

      I agree! And it wasn’t an
      intentional omission, I’m just so new to the blogging community here that I don’t know any of you guys yet 🙂 Soon to be remedied I hope!!

      | Reply Posted 4 years, 12 months ago
      • * morasmum says:

        Lol I didn’t mean to sound harsh! on the contrary, I just meant that thanks to women like you, who share the ups and downs and their inner thoughts about babies and motherhood, I don’t go panicking, running like a headless chicken when things don’t go as planned.

        Posted 4 years, 12 months ago
      • * MtnMama says:

        Oh I know you weren’t being snarky! It’s all good! 🙂

        Posted 4 years, 12 months ago
  2. it’s especially great for people like me who live in rural situations where friends “in real life” are far-flung. being able to tap into that friendly group every morning brings your community right to your door.

    | Reply Posted 4 years, 12 months ago
    • * MtnMama says:

      Lori, in other posts maybe you’ve seen me refer to “the mountain”. We lived smack in the middle of nowhere Tennessee for several years on a homestead 45 minutes from the nearest anything. I LOVED it. for the first 6 or 8 months we were there, I stayed home to work on the farm and would go sometimes 2 weeks between visits to town from groceries. It could get a little lonely, but there was always something to do, be it a walk in the woods or work in the garden or any number of “honmesteady” things. the isolation I’m experiencing now is completely different. In our tiny suburban yard there are no woods, sadly, no garden, no chickens or goats, nothing but lawn and weeds. So, I totally know where you’re coming from!

      | Reply Posted 4 years, 12 months ago

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